I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
