Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
