im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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