what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
