10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
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We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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