I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
