Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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