can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
