I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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