we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
