Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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