I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
