I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
