She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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