I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
