Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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