So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
