The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
