Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
After tacos, we're chasing women.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
