I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
