Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
