I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
