I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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