i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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