I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
