Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His nipple licking is glorious
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