i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
