hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
