I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
