uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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