i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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