I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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