is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
