Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
