ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
