sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
