we made out on top of his cat.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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