you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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