Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
