DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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