When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
