Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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