On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
