I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
