I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
