My hand turned me down
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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