Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
