so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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