Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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