I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
