I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
