one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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