You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
