in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sober January is a disaster.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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