Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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