I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
