I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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