pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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