When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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