I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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