I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
