I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
