I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
