A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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