This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
