I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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