I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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