another moral hangover. fuck.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
