looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
