and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
