Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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