Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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