Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
