I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
