my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need moral support for this bender
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
