Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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