My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize