eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
